2008 Woodie Awards
Court skills not up to snuff
Joe Barker
Issue date: 2/14/08 Section: Sports
This might come as a surprise, but I'm not an athlete.
I know it's shocking: a sportswriter who can't play sports - who has ever heard of that?
OK, saying I can't play sports might be a case of me being a little hard on myself. I can play, I'm just not going to turn pro anytime soon - in anything.
My skill level probably can be summed up best by the old gym class tradition of picking teams. I would most definitely not be the first pick. But I'm not bad enough to be the last pick. I think of myself as a late-round steal that could help the team win a game - that is, if the game being played is not basketball.
I can shoot a hockey puck, I can hit a baseball and I can catch a football. I cannot, however, play basketball.
I think my problem stems from the fact that I can't shoot, I don't run fast, my endurance is lacking and I have a problem playing defense without fouling people. Aside from that, I am the next LeBron James.
So imagine my surprise when someone asked me to play intramural basketball.
A couple of friends started a team and needed a few extra players to round out the bench. You know, just some guys to give the starters a breather. I informed them how bad I was, but they said it didn't matter. I would only have to play a few minutes a game.
Turns out, they lied.
Our first game was two weeks ago, and I showed up prepared to ride the proverbial bench and cheer loudly for my comrades. I showed up five minutes before tip off and only saw three of my teammates. I figured the other guys were just taking a pregame bathroom break.
Nope.
Thanks to the flu bug that hit campus our team was decimated, going from 14 members to four. Having dealt with the plague two days before, I was pretty excited by this development. I might not be good at basketball, but I know it takes five to field a team.
Wrong again.
The other team badly wanted to play, so they agreed to have a little four-on-four action. Did I mention my endurance will never be confused with that of a marathoner or even that of an in-shape 22-year-old?
I know it's shocking: a sportswriter who can't play sports - who has ever heard of that?
OK, saying I can't play sports might be a case of me being a little hard on myself. I can play, I'm just not going to turn pro anytime soon - in anything.
My skill level probably can be summed up best by the old gym class tradition of picking teams. I would most definitely not be the first pick. But I'm not bad enough to be the last pick. I think of myself as a late-round steal that could help the team win a game - that is, if the game being played is not basketball.
I can shoot a hockey puck, I can hit a baseball and I can catch a football. I cannot, however, play basketball.
I think my problem stems from the fact that I can't shoot, I don't run fast, my endurance is lacking and I have a problem playing defense without fouling people. Aside from that, I am the next LeBron James.
So imagine my surprise when someone asked me to play intramural basketball.
A couple of friends started a team and needed a few extra players to round out the bench. You know, just some guys to give the starters a breather. I informed them how bad I was, but they said it didn't matter. I would only have to play a few minutes a game.
Turns out, they lied.
Our first game was two weeks ago, and I showed up prepared to ride the proverbial bench and cheer loudly for my comrades. I showed up five minutes before tip off and only saw three of my teammates. I figured the other guys were just taking a pregame bathroom break.
Nope.
Thanks to the flu bug that hit campus our team was decimated, going from 14 members to four. Having dealt with the plague two days before, I was pretty excited by this development. I might not be good at basketball, but I know it takes five to field a team.
Wrong again.
The other team badly wanted to play, so they agreed to have a little four-on-four action. Did I mention my endurance will never be confused with that of a marathoner or even that of an in-shape 22-year-old?
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