Rediscovering the art of forgiveness

Like the practice of calligraphy and writing thank you cards, the art of forgiveness seems to have disappeared. 

I'm not sure when or even why, but somewhere along the way, it seems we have replaced forgiveness with the terrifying ability to hold onto a grudge. 

Maybe it's our ever-expanding world of virtual friends that makes it far too easy to click "de-friend" and toss away our relationships when we get offended. If someone posts something we don't like or makes a joke that rubs us the wrong way, we can just walk away. This disregard for human value and the meaning of companionship is horrifying, but also common. 

Everyone has the friend they no longer speak to from middle school because of a mean rumor or the kid from high school who stole our high school dream boat. In the moment, it seemed like the end of the world, and if we let our emotions get the better of us, we might hold that grudge for years. Eventually, we should be able to calm down, and realize it wasn't the end of the world, and maybe we won't even remember why we were mad. But forgetting is far too simple to be mistaken for forgiveness. 

If forgiveness isn't the path we choose, then we are forced to find a new friend, roommate or significant other each time we are offended or wronged. This is complicated, time-consuming and too silly to practice. Many of these situations can be remedied by a simple act of forgiveness, but now very few of us know how to do this. 

It's not like forgiveness is a foreign concept. We've been taught how to say,  "I'm sorry" from an early age and we all know the scripted response that's expected of us — "It's OK." 

These few simple words would seem so easy to say, but if you are anything like me, it's difficult to mean them. Instead, we hold a grudge, become resentful or just let people slowly slip out of our lives. 

If resentment is poison for relationships, then forgiveness is the remedy.  This means more than the surface "I forgive you for not remembering my favorite Ryan Gosling movie," and instead means forgiving for failing to meet expectations. 

I'm not saying you should let someone take advantage you. Trust me, I am for standing up for yourself, but it infinitely would be better to mend a relationship than trash it.  

Beyond friendships and romantic relationships, forgiveness still is necessary. Just imagine how much better work would be if everyone could have a little understanding after a conflict between coworkers. 

Forgiveness simply is admitting someone is human and they make mistakes. If you stay in someone's life for long enough you'll have some fiascoes,  and if you're still friends after, that friendship will be that much stronger. True friendship or even true love won't last without a heavy dosing of forgiveness every once in a while. 

It's time to pull out the old etiquette books and begin the search for the age-old art of forgiveness.