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Kirksville residents seeking a top rated psychologist should consult with online psychologist directories and psychology review sites to find a psychologist that works well for them.
Truman students interested in law often go on to become bankruptcy lawyers, personal injury attorneys and even criminal defense lawyers throughout Missouri.
Upright men have disappeared from American society
Where are the gentlemen?
We live in a day when the fabrics of masculinity are fading — or have even vanished, and it’s a huge problem. Culturally, we are in crisis.
We have taken our post-gender movement too far, to the point that both sexes have accepted the mantra that chivalry is dead. These days, it practically is insulting to hold the door for a woman, old-fashioned to think a man should take initiative and ask a lady on a date and sexist to say a man should strive to provide for his family. The result of this cultural shift is we have so many guys who would rather sit around and scratch themselves than stand up and be a man.
As men have retreated in America, another demographic has emerged. It’s what Kay Hymowitz of City Journal calls “the child-man.” Mark Driscoll, an author and pastor, has dubbed them “boys who can shave.”
Whatever term you like to use, these guys are everywhere. They’re downloading porn, playing video games and shirking responsibility as quickly as they can. The number of men who commit to marriage is dropping every year and men are proving to be more reluctant to raise children, according to the city-journal.com in 2008. That’s because some guys these days would rather have a lifelong date with the computer in their mom’s house than care for a family in their own.
This slide in masculinity begins during college. It begins with guys who want to spend as much time as they can drinking beer, objectifying women and watching Will Ferrell movies. For many guys, college is the beginning of an era of irresponsibility — where they can do whatever they want, whenever they want and don’t have to answer to anyone.
Some might say, ‘What difference does it make? So what if some boys never become men? Does it really matter?’
It matters dearly — to all of us. Even in our own little world, multiple stories have appeared in the Index throughout the last few months detailing the accounts of brutal abuse against women.
Again, I ask where are the gentlemen? What kind of man hits a woman? Where were the fathers and the friends who were examples of upright manhood in the life of the alleged perpetrators?
The problem is, the men are nowhere to be found. The men of our generation are cowards who wouldn’t condone the abuse of women, but wouldn’t fight to stop it, either.
Think about the jokes boys who want to be men tell. I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard a guy at Truman say, “That’s what she said.” This joke is so offensive it literally makes me want to throw up. Chauvinists of years past only made one woman, usually “my wife” or “your mom,” the butt of their crude jokes. Today, the vulgarity has increased, as guys degrade and scandalize all women with their failed attempts at humor.
The news isn’t better on a national level. Research is telling us that one in three girls is sexually abused by age 18, according to theadvocacycenter.com. That figure breaks my heart and lights a fire of rage within me. A third of our innocent young women, without anyone to help or defend them, are being preyed upon. And by whom? Cowards who claim to be men. This is an absolute outrage and societal crisis.
If you are a man — I mean a real man — you, too, should be furious about what has happened to our gender. Instead of being upstanding men who care for and defend women, we have become irresponsible cowards who want to please ourselves, no matter what the cost.
So I’ll ask for a final time: Where are the gentlemen?
You boys-who-can-shave have a choice to make. Put your beer down for a second and decide for yourself: Do you want to be a boy who takes, or a man who gives? Do you want to be a boy who consumes, or a man who produces? Do you want to be a cowardly predator, or a courageous protector?
Please, choose wisely. Our culture needs you. We need to find the men.
Zach Vicars is a senior philosophy/religion and linguistics major from St. Charles, Mo.
About the Author:
I believe, after reading this, that I can safely say: That’s what she said.
men give and boys take? sounds a lot like the greeks to me!
Do they still teach Logic classes in the Philosophy program?
Do you find there is a high rate of correlation between men who play video games, men with beards, and men who beat women?
In regards to, “We need to find the men.” -> That’s what she said.
It is not insulting for a person to hold the door open for another person, regardless of gender. If a person likes another person, they should take the initiative and ask them on a date. And people should provide for their family in whatever way makes sense for them.
And the phrase “our innocent young women” is incredibly problematic. It implies a type of patriarchal ownership. Our society needs to change and viewing young women as helpless dependents does not help that. We need to encourage society to view women as *people* who deserve just as much respect as men.
^^^ ZING!!!!!
Hup
This editorial is so offensive it literally makes me want to throw up.
All considered, I think there are several issues, each with their own set of causes and effects. They might not all be tied together as much as you suggest.
People of BOTH genders not taking responsibility for themselves. This is not just men. I suspect that this, at least in part, stems from a culture that emphasizes interdependence instead of independence.
Objectification of women. This can lead to anything from reduced opportunities for women in business to violence against women. Even with the advances that have been made in women’s rights, it remains a long and difficult road. One of the biggest impediments has been religion. Every major religion that I know of (certainly all of the Abrahamic religions) teaches that women have a “place” that they need to keep to, that women are to be guided, directed, used, abused and disposed of by their fathers and husbands.
Courtesy. I think a Robert Heinlein quote sums this up best: “Moving parts in rubbing contact require lubrication to avoid excessive wear. Honorifics and formal politeness provide lubrication where people rub together. Often the very young, the untraveled, the naïve, the unsophisticated deplore these formalities as “empty,” “meaningless,” or “dishonest,” and scorn to use them. No matter how “pure” their motives, they thereby throw sand into machinery that does not work too well at best.”
All the people complaining on this article are clearly a bunch of little boys! Shaving isn’t the only thing that makes you a man.
You need to put down the video games, stop drinking the beer, and stand up to be counted. Zach is right! Why is it sexist for a man to strive to provide for his family?! In the good ol’ days, the men earned the income and then came home to a great meal cooked by the misses.
See, when men are in charge (of doors, dates, and dollars), women get the life of luxury they deserve. In exchange for getting to enjoy the life of leisure, men just ask that they do a little cooking, cleaning, and child rearing. Sounds pretty great to me!
Unfortunately, like zach, I’ve been burdened with a penis. Therefore, I am also burdened with all the responsibilities. Our innocent young women have to be protected, and damn it, that’s a man’s job. All I ask is that you have dinner on the table by 6, when I get home from protecting you. Don’t forget, I don’t like a lot of lip either.
Another classic from the one and only Index.
Women are soooo weak they need all men to protect them. Poor women.
RIP Fabrics of Masculinity
There is something rather troubling about this article, Zach. Specifically, your blatant masculine chauvinism in comments such as this: “Chauvinists of years past only made one woman, usually ‘my wife’ or ‘your mom,’ the butt of their crude jokes. Today, the vulgarity has increased, as guys degrade and scandalize all women with their failed attempts at humor.” Did you get this notion from watching too many episodes of Mad Men or from listening to your grandfather’s stories from the good ol’ days? Moreover, even if your statement is factual, does that make it any better or relieving?
It is people such as you who perpetuate (and even augment) certain gender roles and stereotypes in the American media complex instead of resolving these issues and working towards a more egalitarian society.
Have a great day,
Meow
I’m a man, and I hold doors for women. I also hold doors for men. I’ve also had both men and women hold doors for me. I’ve also seen women hold doors for women. That’s just basic politeness, regardless of gender roles. It is, in fact, old fashioned to think that a man should always initiate romance-I have a woman friend who took the initiative in both of her past two relationships and is happier for it. Saying that men should always take the initiative reduces women to forced passivity in dating. It also ignores queer people entirely-do two women who are attracted to each other just have to sit around and wait for eternity? Do two men have to race each other to be the first to initiate? Furthermore, it is, in fact, sexist to say that a man should provide for his family. The question of who should take the role of provider should be up to the individual couple-it could be the man, the woman, or both. Again, you ignore queer people entirely, but I really don’t think queer people matter all that much to you.
Also, I scratch myself on occasion. This is because I am a man, I have testicles, and those things get pretty damn itchy. It has nothing to do with how I express masculinity.
Also, beer is awesome. I think you could use a beer or two, Zach. It might mellow you out a little bit.
I think the “shirking responsibility” has more to do with the fact that all of us, men, women, and genderqueer/other-gendered people were told that all we had to do was go to college and get a degree and a good job would fall right into our laps, and now that that’s not true, we’re set adrift. It also might mean, particularly for men, that we don’t necessarily need to act the role of provider anymore, because our gender roles don’t posit that men need to look out for helpless women who can’t provide for themselves, and therefore we’re looking not for an outmoded conception of gender roles to go back to, but a forward-looking redefinition of masculinity.
If you think sexual humor is in any way a recent development in human culture, go read a Shakespeare comedy and count the number of dick jokes. Then realize that sex has always been funny and will always be funny, simply because it’s both a taboo subject and a natural part of human existence, and humor helps us resolve that contradiction.
Placing “that’s what she said” jokes on a continuum with child sexual abuse is so absurd I can’t believe the Index let you print it. I, like most psychologically healthy people, can appreciate sexual humor. I also abhor the rape and sexual abuse of anyone, regardless of gender.
Also, your phrase, “innocent young women” is really, really…just…no. It implies that women need a man to defend and protect them, and furthermore implies that women who are sexually active somehow aren’t ”pure”. If a sexually active woman gets raped, is it somehow less of a big deal because she wasn’t “innocent” when she got raped?
Your entire article relies on outdated conceptions of gender roles and stereotypes that much of society no longer believes in, and that never really worked for us anyway. Speaking personally, I find much of the male gender role restrictive and not relevant to how I want to live my life, and I’m sure a lot of people will agree with me. It’s absurd to say that just because people present their gender in certain ways, there should be complex, elaborate taboos on their behavior. For example, I, as previously noted, am a man, and present as male. Therefore, I can’t express a wide range of emotions, and I absolutely can’t cry, or I get labeled “weak”, “feminine”, or -horror of horrors-”gay”. My presumed y-chromosome and penis (Do I have a y-chromosome? Do I have a penis? I might be trans and you have no idea.) bring down all this cultural baggage and complex, taboo-ridden rules onto how I act and live. You might argue that there are innate differences between men and women, and that we should respect those differences, but I’d make three points. First, we are socialized into our gender roles to an incredible degree. I had action figures as a child, my little sister had Barbies. (although I do recall dressing my action figures in Barbie dresses, so maybe i just went wrong early…). Studies show that if you dress a baby in blue, people react differently than if you dress it in pink, because they perceive it as gendered one way or another., and I’m sure you can imagine how those small changes in perception add up to differently-socialized men and women, often to detrimental effect. To see any innate gendered aspects of male/female/genderqueer/other-gendered behavior, we need to get rid of all gender roles and expectations and see what sticks. Second, any innate gender roles there are apply to populations, not individuals. So if we do find that, say, men are predisposed to the role of provider, and it’s not a cultural imposition, it doesn’t mean that a particular man necessarily has to have that predisposition. Finally, assuming we get rid of all culturally imposed gender roles and find innate differences between men and women, why do those differences have to be prescriptive and not descriptive? Why do we have to say that “Men are predisposed to X, therefore men have to do X’ instead of “Men are predisposed to X, but man Y isn’t predisposed to X, and that’s ok too.”
Of course, considering that blog post Greg L. posted, you clearly benefit from your indentured servant, sorry, wife, cleaning your room for you from time to time. I guess I can see why you want to keep traditional gender roles in place now…
P.S. A little sexual humor for you: “Do you want to be a boy who takes, or a man who gives?” That’s what he said.
If you really care that much about domestic abuse against women, you would volunteer for an organization like the Women’s Resource Center on campus or Victim Support Services in town. I’m certain that you don’t because pompous as you are you would have mentioned it in the article.
I am appalled and ashamed that my university newspaper would allow such an overtly sexist and patently irrational piece to be published. The entire notion of chivalry or gentlemanly behavior is rooted in the idea that women cannot take care of themselves, relying instead upon men to guide and maintain the very structures of society. It is these structures which have been historically detrimental to the well-being of women — hello, patriarchy?
While the number of men favoring matrimony is declining, the same statistic can obviously be applied to women. I can’t imagine, therefore, why anyone would place the blame upon failing standards of masculinity, unless of course, he was asserting that men maintain the authoritative power over children and wives, a la Victorians? It is refreshing to realize there are alternatives to the nuclear family that better suit people’s life interests and goals, sexual preferences, and moral convictions. The socioeconomic structures of society are less bound by the marriage standard because people finally have the ability, due to social freedoms, to check out other options and still be financially successful and accepted in their communities. It is not because of porn, which has existed for millennia.
You point to the increasing attention Truman has paid towards violence against women in the past few months, as if this were a new phenomena. Ask any rational being, and he or she will tell you that rape, assault, and other forms of violence against women are hardly recent occurrences. In fact, in the various “golden ages” of masculinity you appear to revere in your article, it was commonly acceptable — even expected — that men would physically and verbally control women, not to mention their economic and political rights. Additionally, your notion that “our innocent young women” — is it really necessary to point out the condescending language here? — need the big, strong men of society to protect their weak femininity is offensive. Have you aided a support group for abused women or volunteered at a victims’ shelter recently? Most of those programs are run by women. Most of the political campaigning for this kind of social support is initiated by women. While men’s help in such circumstances is certainly needed, I would like to point out the entire discourse of “courageous protector[s]” is offensive due to the implication that women would be helpless without decent men, or worse, that women are property.
I hope Amy saw your statements about her cleaning after you and your article… But that is not enough if she has been brainwashed by you or your “culture”… So, I hope she is as smart as we all hope so she can put you in your place… That is all… You are a shame on Truman State University.
Wow, people, no need to get your panties in a bunch. You’re totally missing his point.
As a girl, I think it’s nice for guys to be gentlemen. You don’t know how much a small gesture can mean. After being abroad where men were gentlemen, and those who weren’t were called on it, it’s a culture shock coming back. I’ve had guys expect me to open the door for them, then rush past me, and not even acknowledge me. And that’s more common than a guy opening the door for me.
It’s not sexist. It’s called kindness. I hold doors open for guys too. The root problem is that our society’s motto seems to be “look out for number one.” We are a selfish, egoistical society. Zach is not saying that men are the only ones who need to change that! It’s just that since he is a man, men are the ones he is challenging.
So you don’t need to get all defensive.